“When you’re a founder, people look to you for parental-type guidance. Without understanding that that’s not your job. While I think there’s amazing value in coaching your team, it’s not about mothering them.”
I heard that quote by Sharmadean Reid during an interview back in 2020 and it proper resonated with me. And if you’re an underrepresented leader navigating the complexities of leading a team or running an organisation, you’ve probably felt this too. It’s easy to slip into the role of a parent when your team looks to you for guidance, support, and even approval. But let’s be clear—that’s not your job. Your job is to practise empowering leadership without parenting—to lead, inspire, and coach them to be the best versions of themselves, not to coddle them or solve their problems for them.
The Trap of Parental Leadership
For many of us, especially those from underrepresented backgrounds, the pressure to “over-deliver” as leaders can be intense. We’re often the first, the only, or one of the few in our positions, and that can create a sense of responsibility that goes beyond the usual scope of leadership. We don’t just want to lead; we want to protect, to nurture, to make sure everyone is okay. But here’s the thing: when you start parenting your team, you’re not doing them—or yourself—any favours.
Parenting your team might feel natural, especially if you’ve had to navigate your own path with little support. But leadership isn’t about creating dependency; it’s about empowering your team to stand on their own. You want a team that’s strong, self-reliant, and capable of tackling challenges without needing you to hold their hand.
How to Practise Empowering Leadership Without Parenting
So, how do you strike that balance? How do you lead with compassion without turning into a “work parent”? Here are a few strategies that have worked for me and can help you lead your team more effectively:
Set Clear Boundaries: The first step is understanding that your role is to guide, not to solve everyone’s problems. Be clear about what you’re responsible for and what your team members need to own. Boundaries don’t make you less compassionate; they make you a more effective leader.
Encourage Autonomy: Empower your team to make decisions and take ownership of their work. This doesn’t mean abandoning them—be there for support and guidance—but let them take the lead on their tasks. This not only builds their confidence but also frees you up to focus on bigger-picture issues.
Provide Coaching, Not Answers: Sharmadean Reid was right— coaching your team is incredibly valuable, but it’s about helping them find their own solutions, not handing them out. Ask questions that guide your team members to think critically and come up with their own strategies.
Recognise and Reward Growth: Instead of focusing on being the “fixer,” celebrate your team’s achievements and growth. Acknowledge when someone takes initiative or handles a tough situation on their own. This reinforces the behaviour you want to see and shows that you trust them to manage their responsibilities.
Invest in Your Own Development: Just as your team benefits from coaching, so do you. Working with a coach can help you navigate the fine line between leading and parenting, refine your leadership style, and ensure you’re developing the skills you need to manage a diverse team effectively. Don’t underestimate the value of having someone in your corner who can offer perspective, strategies, and support tailored to your unique challenges.
Why It Matters
For underrepresented leaders, the stakes are high. We’re not just leading teams; we’re breaking barriers, setting examples, and paving the way for others to follow. But to do that effectively, we need to lead from a place of strength, not from a place of overcompensation. By focusing on empowering leadership without parenting, you’ll create a work environment that’s not only high-performing but also sustainable for everyone involved—including you.
Take Action
If you’re ready to step into your role as a leader without falling into the trap of parental leadership, now’s the time to take action. Sign up for my coaching services today or book a call to learn more. Together, we’ll develop a leadership style that empowers your team, respects your boundaries, and allows you to thrive as a leader who inspires confidence and independence in those around you.
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